There Is A Wave Of Stupid Currencies
You presumably know about Bitcoin, possibly from an evangelist who hopped onboard a few years ago, made a questionable amount of possibly fake money, and can’t wait to spread the good word about how out of luck you are. But did you know that there are also about a thousand other cryptos out there, ranging from the more normal ones like Ripple to the bizarre Dogecoin, based on the unkillable meme and somehow now worth over a billion dollars? And there are even more preposterous currencies out there too, all vying for their slice of the “we just pretended we’re millionaires and it came true!” pie.
BunnyToken is trying to position itself as the official currency of the $100 billion adult industry, selling its growth with a Playboy-esque rabbit theme. So are our profits going to be multiplying like bunnies? I just ask because it’s weird to base your business model on the question “People know that rabbits screw a lot, right?” And for those less interested in virtual currency to spend on porn, maybe because you need a root canal and your masturbation schedule has been disrupted due to tooth pain, there’s Dentacoin. It’s for paying your dentist, because why not? You probably have money, and your dentist accepts that shit, but why not use this currency that’s not good for anything else instead?
Prodeum was a recent currency that managed to raise $11 during its initial coin offering and then vanished, replacing its website with the word “penis,” which is exactly what I would have done had I thought of it first. And in the same throbbing vein is Useless Ethereum, a cryptocurrency that repeatedly tells you on its own site that it’s not worth anything and all you’re doing is giving your money to a stranger so he can buy a TV. In fact, the site has a running tally of how much money people have sunk into Useless Ethereum (about $175,000), and in turn, how many TVs can be bought with that money
While many of these currencies seem to have no real purpose, Russian Burger King gave us Whoppercoin, which you could use to buy Russian Whoppers. Get 1,700 Whoppercoins (which works out to spending about $30), and you get a Whopper. For $30, you can get 7.15 American Whopper meals, but that’s beside the point. The point is that it’s crypto, guys! Whatever that means.